It's really easy to be religious when everything is going well and everything is wonderful. It's harder when life's little baubles get in the way.
Long story short, I have a job, but my boss said that due to some impending company changes, there's a good chance my job is going to go away, and I might want to look around the company to see if there are any other positions I might want to have. I should be OK for at least six months, and I may have a job for up to a year. But once we change the inventory system to be compliant with the parent company, the reporting functions that are my current job are going to be incorporated into the financial end of the company, which means that there won't be enough duties to justify my position. I'm not being laid off or fired, I'm just being encouraged to take the next step in my career before the decision is made for me.
I was planning on going back to school to get my MBA in the Spring while staying in my current position while I get my degree, and then in 2-3 years, taking my MBA and getting a financial job with another division of my company. (There are some advantages for working for a big multinational company). This change has totally derailed my life plans for the next two years.
It's not a bad thing, it's just that my plans are shifting.
Now, I know that there will be advantages. I will probably get a raise when I move, and there honestly isn't anywhere for me to move in this business unit of my company. This is why I was planning on pursuing my MBA, so I would be more marketable in different divisions of my company. I've been in my current position for over four years, and honestly, I'm ready for a change. My position has gotten stale, and I've known that I'm ready to move on. While I'm stressed about the change, I'm not really that sad.
There is also another major advantage of going into a new job at a new location. At this job, many of my friends know me as the agnostic uber-liberal. I've been terrified of "coming out" to anyone here about going to RCIA classes. I doubt I would be judged, but it's still a situation that makes me nervous. If I end up at a new job, I can feel free to at least tell people I'm Catholic, and feel comfortable wearing a cross necklace or something.
I was set to be able to handle RCIA classes and college at the same time. But I can't handle college and a new job. Plus I don't want to take out a 401K loan for college tuition and books, and then end up taking a job with another company and owing all that money and taxes. So basically, going back to school is on hold.
This is very frustrating to me because the whole reason I want to go back to school is to take my career to the next step. I want to do something different, more challenging. And now it looks like I'm going to be doing the same thing as I was doing (Administrative work), only at a different division of my company. Plus I'm going to put off doing the one thing that's going to allow me to do what I really want to do - going back to school.
The whole situation has me really frustrated. I've been praying about it, and I truly feel that things will end up the way they're supposed to end up. But this feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop has never been one that I've liked. Having job insecurity is about the worst feeling in the world.
The point of this whole experience is that it's hard to be spiritual for me when I'm scared like this. It's hard to want to focus on church and on RCIA and on prayer when I'm not sure where I'm going to be working. I want to pray about my own personal spiritual growth, but this job situation is forefront on my mind. Again, this job situation is derailing my plans. And it really irks me.