Eucharistic Adoration and Giving It Up
I decided to go to my very first Eucharistic Adoration this evening after the mass at Holy Family of Nazareth in Irving tonight. The mass was nice, except that I have a really hard time kneeling there if the chair isn't super close to the chair in front of it because the kneelers are goofy.
Normally during Mass I sit off to the side, but I decided to move to a more central location for the adoration. I move to the second to the back row, right near the center. I sit down, and immediately notice that there is an old little man sitting behind me, making only what can be described as "old man" noises. He's sneezing, and sighing and making this gurgling noise that I was convinced was a precursor to him vomiting on the back of my head. He was also coughing this disgusting, phleghmy cough and filling up Kleenex after Kleenex with gurgly nose snot. Short of farting or knuckle cracking, he was making every noise a body could make without actually moving or talking.
About half way through the adoration, the wife of this little noisy man decides he needs a cough drop to soothe his throat. So then I hear a crinkle of cellophane (I knew what was coming and immediatly tensed up), then that annoying clank of candy against teeth. So now this man is a veritable symphony, plus he's got the whaff of menthol coming out of his mouth, over the chair next to me, and into my nostrils. So he's coughing, gurgling, sighing, blowing his snot-filled nose, slightly moaning on occasion, AND smacking.
Now, you have to understand, noises like that completely freak me out. I'd rather have a live tarantula in one hand and a snake in the other than to have to listen to someone smack or cough a truly phleghmy cough. I'm sure some of it has to do with the fact that my brothers used to torture me by smacking right in my ear, and when I told my mom, she'd tell me not to fight. They'd also cought up loogies and then drip them from their lips like only teenage/young boys can do, and then threaten to spit on me. It was as gross as it sounds, seriously.
So anyway, here I am, on my knees sort of, in front of the Body of Christ. What I want to be doing is relaxing, feeling the presence of God deep into my soul. Instead, I'm saying a quiet internal prayer:
"Lord, I'm offering up this AMAZINGLY ANNOYED feeling I have, this IMMENSE DISCOFORT of this man whose noises are making me want to LEAP UP OUT OF MY SEAT AND YELL FOR GOD'S SAKE SHUT UP!!! I'm giving up this STRESS to YOU Lord Jesus! AAAAAAHHHHH MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!!!! HE'S SMACKING AGAIN!!! Lord, Let me make it through this without screaming (I almost did, twice), and I will come back and make this a beautiful experience. ALL FOR YOU LORD! I'M GIVING IT UP TO YOU! Thank you Lord for giving me this EXTREME IRRITANT to make me appreciate to HECK the times when this CREEPY OLD FRIGGIN MAN ISN'T SMACKING DIRECTLY INTO MY FRIGGIN EAR!!!! Help me Lord not to SMACK HIM because he isn't doing it on PURPOSE OH GOD THERE HE GOES AGAIN LORD HEAL THIS MAN SO I DON'T LOSE MY VERY MIND RIGHT HERE IN THE CHAPEL!!!"
So it was finally over and I ran into the Blessed Sacrament chapel and said a Divine Mercy chaplet which calmed me down a bit, but I still had to call my husband and vent a bit before I got home.
I'll give a more spiritual post about eucharistic adoration next week. And I'll make sure next week that I sit in the back row with no one behind me.